Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Defeat
Today has been one of those days were you just feel defeated by all things "mommy". I am so blessed to have the boys and I WOULD NOT trade it for anything but there are times when I wonder why God thought I was capable of "teaching, training and rebuking" two small little humans. Before having Bennett I was worried that I wouldn't be able to handle 2 well but for the most part it has been great. God has really blessed us with pretty easy going kids but now that Pax is talking/running/ wanting to go outside I find myself torn. EVERYDAY Pax wants to be outside playing when Bennett is down for his mid morning nap and I don't know what to do, wake him up or make Pax stay in and play.?.?.? It's hard because we live around many bouncing boys who are out in the yard playing and pax can see them from our window so I consistently hear "mom I want to play" "go out and play with boys". It literally breaks my heart some days and others its just an opportunity for me to grow in my character because I'm so annoyed at the 100Th time of hearing "i want to go out" and not being able to take to him that I want to scream (but I don't). Today though I have felt more defeated by the monotony of our everyday and seeing Pax look as though he is bored out of his mind, that it has made me feel like I'm failing him some how. He is such a bright little boy so I want to continue to give him creative opportunity to learn but I also want to be a good wife and have meals cooked and the house in some kind of order. Lately I have found myself super anxious when I sit down to play with Pax or read to him because all I can think about is the next thing that "needs" to get done on my list. This is a problem because I should be enjoying those moments with him. I know some of you reading this are laughing and saying one of two things.... I know how she feels or Don't sweat the small stuff. I know I know It seems so petty to worry of such things, dishes will get done and dinner will get made (even if it doesn't hit the table until almost 7 some nights). I just needed to vent a little bit about how my role as wife, mother, house keeper, organizer, potty trainer, diaper changer, nurser, cook etc has felt overwhelming today. I so want to do a great job at this thing called motherhood and I feel honored that God has given me two sons. If any of you read this and have some suggestions for creative at home things to do with toddlers pass them my way! Sincerely one of those days:)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Take heart, my friend. You are doing a wonderful job.
ReplyDeleteno advice. (obviously, ha!) just wanted to tell you how much i enjoyed hanging out the other day and how i impressed i am with you as a mom! God certainly made you for this! love you!
ReplyDeleteMost the time I think I give you too many "ideas". You are incredibly creative and a wonderful mother!! I love you!
ReplyDeleteyou all are wonderful. Thank you for the encouragement. And sarah~ I loved spending time with you too! I wish you lived closer but it just makes it all the better when I do get to see you :) Give that sweet baby girl a kiss for me
ReplyDeleteYou are a fantastic mother! Maybe you should think about a play group or mother's day out for him so that he gets an organized activity with other children his age a day or two a week. It will give you a chance to get household chores done a few dinners cooked and he gets to spend time with other kids and do different activities at "school". I'm convinced if you find a good mother's day out program you and he will love it. Kins is stuck with a sitter everyday but since it's a private place it's more like a grandma watching him and I can't explain to you how much he LOVES it. He is so excited everyday and is sad to leave everyday. But whatever you are doing at home is great because he is a wonderful kid!
ReplyDeleteLove you!